are you still at the devil's house?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize