I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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