dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
