I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
