so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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