So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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