So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
