Please, let me fuck your mom
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
not ubering you a puppy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
