He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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