The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
