I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
