I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
