I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
