I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
