i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
