I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
