I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
