Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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