as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
