that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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