so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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