oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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