Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's the barista slut.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
