Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize