i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
