My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
