i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
