He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
