i just identified you from a description of your pipe
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
