Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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