There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
