Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
