is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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