her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize