im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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