i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
