so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
