Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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