Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize