oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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