he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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