you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
