Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
