so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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