I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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