Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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