She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
