just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
