Plan B is the new Plan A
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
