I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
