If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
