I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
