Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
