He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
