You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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