My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
