It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
