im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
