That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
