So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
