i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize