This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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