Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize