Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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