chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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