it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
