you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
