Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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