last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
