Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
