Moan for me like Helen Keller
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
