I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize