You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
