i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
