is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
