just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize