i love accidental penises.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
