mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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