the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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