In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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