the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
bring money and cleavage
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
