that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
