I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
