I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
