hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
