Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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